Losing Your Memory

I was listening to a song a while back and it struck a chord in me somewhere. Made me really think about it so I thought why not blog about it?

Now the song I’m talking about is Losing Your Memory – Ryan Star. Pretty epic if I tell you. Check it out. So anyways, moving on. What it made me think of was, what if I could lose parts of my memory or well, certain things that happened that I particularly didn’t like or meeting someone. You can always forget someone. Make them vanish off your head, make their memories vanish if you want a clean start or maybe modify some things in your head to make them look better for you.

Now I know that’s not possibly obviously and you have to live with the decisions you’ve made, the silly stupid things you’ve done and the pain that comes with making mistakes or just being on the end of a mistake. If only Vampires were around and they could stare into your eyes and just make you forget what you wanted. Poof. Just like that.

If someone gave me the option to do that? I probably would erase and forget a few things. Mostly embarassing moments that keep popping up in your head every now and then. Moments where you made a fool out of yourself, you think about them and go “Wow, I was a complete fool back then”. As for people, I’d never really want to forget someone, be it someone who’s been really special to me or someone who I really haven’t talked to much for whatever reason. Sure some people hurt you, leave scars that last a life time but they make you a better person and make you stronger, one way or the other. They make you what you are at the end of the day and so it’s important to remember those moments for good or for worse. Sure it would be an easier option for people in pain or who can’t get over a break up that easy, but I’d never want to forget someone or people. Sure not think about them as much but never truly forget someone. Like they say, good things come to those who wait. You don’t ever know what’s gonna show up at your doorstep.

So what would you do? Would you like to ever forget someone or something from your life? Some moments? Some memories? Post below in the comments section.

Till then, check out the song!!!

Stelena Rant!

It seems like everything good around me is falling apart, including Stelena now. It’s been a tough week for me and I wish I could change some of the things or influence some of the things that happened. Either ways, I’ll not deviate too much from the topic and talk about what I should : Stelena.

This episode was heartbreaking. And not just because Stefan and Elena broke up. They’ve broken up before. But this was the first time I really felt like they have been completely out of sync with each other. Stefan feels unworthy and Elena doesn’t have the wherewithal to correct him. Or she feels that she’s not worthy and can never be the girl he loves when she doesn’t understand that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that she’s a vampire. He cares that she is unhappy. He cares that she doesn’t trust him. He cares that she won’t depend on him. He cares that she doesn’t think that he will always put her and her needs (Including but not limited  to the needs of her family and friends) first.

I gotta say that I’m still discombobulated from her frustration that Stefan didn’t protect Jeremy. How did he not protect Jeremy? His gunshot was on Elena for jumping too quick. That was not on Stefan. But in any case, Stefan jumps to get him, throws him over a table and saves his life. What the hell is there to not understand? He protected Jeremy–just like he ALWAYS does.

But she trusts Da—nevermind. NO. Nevermind.

And while I despise Klaus with the heat of a thousand suns, I gotta say bravo to him for telling her that she should have trusted Stefan and that he was doing good things for her. Like I said last week: when he teamed up with Klaus in the past it was to save his brother’s life. Stefan doesn’t team up with Klaus unless it’s a dire situation. And clearly it was F***ING DIRE. 

So, I am disconcerted because at the moment that Klaus tells her this instead of her standing corrected and making a mental note to talk this out with Stefan she immediately starts on the “what else is he hiding” thing. And that just baffles me because would Stefan ever do anything to hurt her or her family when he’s in his good mind? HELL NO. 

And frankly: I am so confused because like I said last week, when has he EVER given her reason and cause to believe that. This isn’t honestly about Damon. I think for Damon, he did the best he could with what few fucking scruples he has. This has nothing to do with him.

This has everything to do with a very concrete misunderstanding of who these two are and who they expect each other to be. Stefan believes that the only version of himself Elena will love is the good one (that he desperately clings to and bless him for making that choice every single goddamn day); meanwhile, Elena believes that the only version of herself Stefan will love is the girl who almost died when her car went off a bridge.

How do they not see that they are made for each other? How do they not see that THEY MIRROR EACH OTHER SO MUCH. They are both literally afraid that they are not good enough for each other. And oh my God, that’s why this is heartbreaking

And here’s why it’s worse: because like I said last season–there will be no one else for Stefan. No one. There will be no other woman. There will be no other person for him because Elena is it. And she will never know how much she needs him because she will never lose him–even if he gives up his claim to her. And that is a shame.

Oh my god did you see his face when he looks at her on that step?! Did you see the way his heartbreak was in his eyes? And the ways he looked on the verge of tears? Did you see how she knew it was coming but when he told her “he couldn’t do it anymore” how she looked at him like he just took her oxygen? This was too much. And if it were in a direction I could live with I might manage it but this is so a) out of the blue and b) so unlike them that I feel bitter.

Again, this isn’t about Delena. This is about how these two characters went from having the best intended to be healthy relationship to the place where they hide from each other andI don’t know how to feel about that. Stefan KNOWS Elena, he always has and he knows this ISN’T her. She’s crumbling and he can see it. He’s lied but he’s done ALL that just to save her because this ISN’T her. It never will be and she’s a wreck. It’s just sad how it is and how she feels this way. Her feelings for Damon magnify, intensify but her feeling’s for Stefan don’t? I’m just speechless….

P.S : I still care about you and always will. I may act like I don’t care but my feelings have never changed and never will. I’ve been harsh but I was trying too fool myself. I miss you ..

Getting Detached

So what exactly happens when one out of the two in a relationship just, stops feeling the same way like he/she used to and detaches completely? Or well partially. I think most of the time, being honest is the correct thing to do but how do you cope up with it? Brace yourself to the fact that it’s no more and the only reason you’d wake up everyday and smile to, is gone. How do you come to terms with the fact that what you felt so strongly, can not be felt again , because the other person has just moved on or well, has stopped loving you like you do.

I was reading about one such incident about this female blogger who told how her boyfriend was out of town for a couple of weeks now and that, due to the distance, she’s falling out and doesn’t feel the same way about him. He’s clueless about the fact that she’s probably have second thoughts about the relationship. He keeps trying, he keeps texting, he keeps waiting for a reply. For an E-mail, a text. A whatsapp, a kik message maybe but it never comes. Now I think even though it’s harsh? You need to let people know how you feel and even if you DO love that person and can’t be with him/her? you have to let them go or let them know.

Now a lot of it is based on Stelena and a bit maybe on personal experiences but I was trying to put myself into someone else’s shoes and try to see how it feels and what you’d wanna do, what you can do. I think it’s really hard though and mentally, you don’t want to give up. Especially when it’s not in your nature to give up on something or to come to terms with the reality at hand. It’s hard but it’s gotta be done and more often than not? You have to take a stand than feel sorry about yourself. Now I know it can be easy to form inside your head but when it’s time to execute it? People crumble.

I don’t think it’s an easy job and you will crumble at first. Music helps but music can put you off too, from the road to recovery. So can any song that once reminded you of that person. Funny things happen though. I needed a few distractions this week for different reasons but all the usual sources I looked forward to for distraction? Made it worse. Be it a show or a game or a party. So it’s been an interesting week and super hectic as well.

I think it’s a personal battle though and depends from person to person. What positives you can take out and what state of mind you are in. For me? I’d just want to lay low and do the things I love to do. Watch movies, stay out the whole day with my friends or just sit and game. Perfect for a guy. If you wanna shut down? go sleep. Trust me guys, works like a treat 😛 Either ways , confrontation is important because you HAVE to know where the relationship stands. You can’t cling onto love that isn’t there and the fact that the other person just doesn’t want it or just doesn’t want to make an effort. Moving on? just as important as the first step.

Have a nice week guys! 😀

Are You A Bully?

I know a lot has been said about bullying and suicide in general over the past couple of weeks. I guess Amanda Todd really affected people in some way or the other in a good way I suppose and I think it’s about time people realize how it’s not a petty issue anymore and how you shouldn’t be getting away with it. I think a lot of us don’t associate ourselves with bullying but funnily enough, we all play a part in it. There’s often not one or a couple of bully, but a crowd that aides and encourages them.

Now you may wonder how do you fall into the being-a-bully or being-a-bully-aider category? To first look into that? You need to understand what goes on in the head of a child that is being bullied and ridiculed at. Is the subject of attention for all the wrong reasons. Picture that, a kid cracks a lame joke on a fat(ish) girl in your class. You find it funny and you laugh at it. Obviously you played no part in what he did right? Wrong. You laughed at it which makes it even worse and the fact that you encouraged that kind of behavior makes it worse. Now we often pay attention to such things. Imagine a kid running down the corridor, he trips and slides across or falls down. You’ll find it hilarious (plenty will) and you’ll end up cracking up. I think there are times when you can and it’s acceptable to laugh. As long as it’s a joke that can be taken in the right spirit or you’re not ridiculing the person.

Generally what happens is that when someone is being made fun of? people tend to laugh at it or just stand there and watch what’s happening, eventually discussing it later on and cracking jokes about it. We’re all insecure in some way or the other and pushing someone down may make some sadistic , demented kid feel better in some way. It’s sad that you’re a part of the scene and yet instead of taking any sort of stand? You generally ignore what happens or just go with it.

It’s a general rule in life that as long as something doesn’t effect you? You won’t look at it seriously. You read about countless car crashes, robberies in the newspaper everyday. We flip pages and move onto something else. However if that happens to YOU. You’ll feel differently. You’d want people to SEE that. To sympathize with you. To Empathize with you and only THEN you will realize that no one cares. Some may show that they do but in general, just like how YOU didn’t care? Neither do they.

Life goes full circle? It really does and We have to be better humans honestly. I know a lot of us can’t take a stand and it’s not in our nature but as long as you don’t put someone down and get fun out of it? Be a sadist? you’re doing your bit in someway because THAT my friends is just as good as bullying.

Be it college where it’s acceptable to be ragged by your seniors or school. It’s all the same. Now I haven’t been bullied as such or that I can remember. Yes you’d have seniors mess with you but I’ve always been in groups and been with groups so you don’t get singled out as such. However for the kids who do prefer to stay alone? Easy targets and they have no one to go to. It KILLS you from within. Now I’m not asking you to be aggressive or take a stance in any way but the least as humans can do is to rediscover the nicer side in us and to actually help someone you see is alone or who isn’t that popular. Be it the fat kid everyone makes fun of or the nerd who’s often ridiculed for being too, well “nerdy”. Maybe even a 5 minute talk , just ask how he’s doing. Talk something about some subject maybe or ask about homework. Anything. As long as you’re there for people? they realize that things are better and they can talk to people. Count to people.

Loneliness is a sad thing and the only thing that’s worse than emptiness is when your heart’s hurt. When you are alone AND hurt. Imagine yourself on stage and you do a blooper. You fumble or you forget something. People are going to give you hell. That there is how so many of the kids who get bullied feel, but worse. Cause it’s a personal thing and it’s constant and relentless. So take a stand next time and do the right thing 😀

Oh and I found this really soothing song so I thought I’d share. Really nice. Have a nice day *waves*