Losing Your Memory

I was listening to a song a while back and it struck a chord in me somewhere. Made me really think about it so I thought why not blog about it?

Now the song I’m talking about is Losing Your Memory – Ryan Star. Pretty epic if I tell you. Check it out. So anyways, moving on. What it made me think of was, what if I could lose parts of my memory or well, certain things that happened that I particularly didn’t like or meeting someone. You can always forget someone. Make them vanish off your head, make their memories vanish if you want a clean start or maybe modify some things in your head to make them look better for you.

Now I know that’s not possibly obviously and you have to live with the decisions you’ve made, the silly stupid things you’ve done and the pain that comes with making mistakes or just being on the end of a mistake. If only Vampires were around and they could stare into your eyes and just make you forget what you wanted. Poof. Just like that.

If someone gave me the option to do that? I probably would erase and forget a few things. Mostly embarassing moments that keep popping up in your head every now and then. Moments where you made a fool out of yourself, you think about them and go “Wow, I was a complete fool back then”. As for people, I’d never really want to forget someone, be it someone who’s been really special to me or someone who I really haven’t talked to much for whatever reason. Sure some people hurt you, leave scars that last a life time but they make you a better person and make you stronger, one way or the other. They make you what you are at the end of the day and so it’s important to remember those moments for good or for worse. Sure it would be an easier option for people in pain or who can’t get over a break up that easy, but I’d never want to forget someone or people. Sure not think about them as much but never truly forget someone. Like they say, good things come to those who wait. You don’t ever know what’s gonna show up at your doorstep.

So what would you do? Would you like to ever forget someone or something from your life? Some moments? Some memories? Post below in the comments section.

Till then, check out the song!!!

Stelena Rant!

It seems like everything good around me is falling apart, including Stelena now. It’s been a tough week for me and I wish I could change some of the things or influence some of the things that happened. Either ways, I’ll not deviate too much from the topic and talk about what I should : Stelena.

This episode was heartbreaking. And not just because Stefan and Elena broke up. They’ve broken up before. But this was the first time I really felt like they have been completely out of sync with each other. Stefan feels unworthy and Elena doesn’t have the wherewithal to correct him. Or she feels that she’s not worthy and can never be the girl he loves when she doesn’t understand that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that she’s a vampire. He cares that she is unhappy. He cares that she doesn’t trust him. He cares that she won’t depend on him. He cares that she doesn’t think that he will always put her and her needs (Including but not limited  to the needs of her family and friends) first.

I gotta say that I’m still discombobulated from her frustration that Stefan didn’t protect Jeremy. How did he not protect Jeremy? His gunshot was on Elena for jumping too quick. That was not on Stefan. But in any case, Stefan jumps to get him, throws him over a table and saves his life. What the hell is there to not understand? He protected Jeremy–just like he ALWAYS does.

But she trusts Da—nevermind. NO. Nevermind.

And while I despise Klaus with the heat of a thousand suns, I gotta say bravo to him for telling her that she should have trusted Stefan and that he was doing good things for her. Like I said last week: when he teamed up with Klaus in the past it was to save his brother’s life. Stefan doesn’t team up with Klaus unless it’s a dire situation. And clearly it was F***ING DIRE. 

So, I am disconcerted because at the moment that Klaus tells her this instead of her standing corrected and making a mental note to talk this out with Stefan she immediately starts on the “what else is he hiding” thing. And that just baffles me because would Stefan ever do anything to hurt her or her family when he’s in his good mind? HELL NO. 

And frankly: I am so confused because like I said last week, when has he EVER given her reason and cause to believe that. This isn’t honestly about Damon. I think for Damon, he did the best he could with what few fucking scruples he has. This has nothing to do with him.

This has everything to do with a very concrete misunderstanding of who these two are and who they expect each other to be. Stefan believes that the only version of himself Elena will love is the good one (that he desperately clings to and bless him for making that choice every single goddamn day); meanwhile, Elena believes that the only version of herself Stefan will love is the girl who almost died when her car went off a bridge.

How do they not see that they are made for each other? How do they not see that THEY MIRROR EACH OTHER SO MUCH. They are both literally afraid that they are not good enough for each other. And oh my God, that’s why this is heartbreaking

And here’s why it’s worse: because like I said last season–there will be no one else for Stefan. No one. There will be no other woman. There will be no other person for him because Elena is it. And she will never know how much she needs him because she will never lose him–even if he gives up his claim to her. And that is a shame.

Oh my god did you see his face when he looks at her on that step?! Did you see the way his heartbreak was in his eyes? And the ways he looked on the verge of tears? Did you see how she knew it was coming but when he told her “he couldn’t do it anymore” how she looked at him like he just took her oxygen? This was too much. And if it were in a direction I could live with I might manage it but this is so a) out of the blue and b) so unlike them that I feel bitter.

Again, this isn’t about Delena. This is about how these two characters went from having the best intended to be healthy relationship to the place where they hide from each other andI don’t know how to feel about that. Stefan KNOWS Elena, he always has and he knows this ISN’T her. She’s crumbling and he can see it. He’s lied but he’s done ALL that just to save her because this ISN’T her. It never will be and she’s a wreck. It’s just sad how it is and how she feels this way. Her feelings for Damon magnify, intensify but her feeling’s for Stefan don’t? I’m just speechless….

P.S : I still care about you and always will. I may act like I don’t care but my feelings have never changed and never will. I’ve been harsh but I was trying too fool myself. I miss you ..